I’ve taken numerous liberties from the original sketch, but that’s better than leaving the sketch intact and just changing the names, isn’t it? Also note that this has absolutely no continuity.

Shameless plug: Visit my brand new Zoids webpage SOS: Save our Schubaltz at http://soschubaltz.tripod.com It’s an irreverent website dedicated to the protection of Lt. Thomas Richard Schubaltz. What can I say? The guy needs it. If you like this sketch, you’ll probably also like my “Raven vs Van” part of the Humor section.

Zoids Chaotic Century and Guardian Force do not belong to me, but are property of their respective owners such as Tomy, Hasbro, The Ocean Group, etc. The Dead Parrot Sketch is from “Monty Python’s Flying Circus,” done by Monty Python.

The Dead Organoid Sketch
by vvoltaire
Original skit from Monty Python
Starring Raven and Prozen

(Raven enters Prozen’s office, dragging the stone Shadow behind him.)
Raven: Prozen, I have a complaint.
(Prozen does not respond.)
Raven: Prozen?
(Prozen does not respond.)
Raven: Albino freak?
(Prozen does not respond.)
Raven: Sadistic bastard who ruined my life?
(Prozen does not respond.)
Raven: Miss?
Prozen: What do you mean “miss”?
Raven: I’m sorry, I was contemplating Van’s death. I have a complaint!
Prozen: I’m not in right now. Please leave a message with the secretary.
Raven: What are you talking about? Never mind. I wish to complain about this organoid that you gave me.
Prozen: Oh yes, Shadow. What’s wrong with him?
Raven: I’ll tell you what’s wrong with him. He’s dead, that’s what’s wrong with him!
Prozen: No, no, Raven. He’s resting.
Raven: Look, “sir,” I know a dead organoid when I see one, and I’m looking at one right now.
Prozen: Don’t worry, Raven. He’s not dead, he’s resting! Remarkable organoid, that Shadow. Beautiful black plating!
Raven: The plating doesn’t enter into it. He’s stone dead. Literally.
Prozen: Nononono, no, no! He’s sleeping!
Raven: All right then, if he’s sleeping, I’ll wake him up! (shouting at Shadow) Shadow!
(Shadow does not respond.)
Raven: SHADOW!
(Shadow does not respond.)
Raven: SHAAADOOOOW!!!!
(Shadow does not respond.)
Prozen: Maybe if you said something besides his name…
Raven: It’s my thing, okay? It’s what I do. I don’t stop you from manipulating everyone, pontificating endlessly, wearing your hair like a grasshopper, and trying to destroy the world. Don’t stop me from yelling Shadow’s name.
(Prozen nudges Shadow with his foot)
Prozen: There, he moved!
Raven: No, he didn’t, that was you!
Prozen: I never!!
Raven: Yes, you did!
Prozen: You’re accusing me of lying?
Raven: (yelling and kicking Shadow repeatedly) SHAAAADOOOOW!!!!! This is your nine o’clock alarm call! Time to go out and nearly kill Van again! I have a big powerful zoid that’s just dying to fuse with you!
(Raven gets tired and sits on Shadow’s head.)
Raven: Now that’s what I call a dead organoid.
Prozen: Now look what you’ve done. You’ve turned him off. (Raven jumps up)
Raven: TURNED HIM OFF?!?
Prozen: Yes! He’s mainly mechanical, isn’t he? You hit his off button when he was about to wake up!
Raven: Um...now look...now look, Prozen, I’ve definitely had enough of this. That organoid is definitely deceased. When you gave him to me, you assured me that his total lack of resistance when I tackled him was due to his being tired after destroying two military bases and a 7-11 that was along the way.
Prozen: Well, he’s...he’s, ah...probably missing his pod.
Raven: MISSING his POD?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that? I know you’re a deluded, power-hungry, war-mongering, nihilistic psycho, but this is crazy even for you!
Prozen: Black organoids are known to be homesick! Remarkable organoid, isn’t he, Raven? Lovely plating!
Raven: Look, I took the liberty of examining Shadow when I left the base, and I discovered the only reason that he had been attached to my zoid in the first place was that he had been TIED there.
(pause)
Prozen: Well, of course he was tied there! If I hadn’t tied that organoid to your zoid, he would have flown away, fused with the Deathsaurer, and VOOM!
Raven: “VOOM”?!? Prozen, this organoid wouldn’t “voom” if you gave him four million pieces of magnite! He’s completely stone!
Prozen: No, no! He’s resting!
Raven: He’s not resting! He’s passed on! This organoid is no more! He has ceased to be! He’s expired and gone to meet his maker! He’s a stiff! Total stone! A lawn ornament! Bereft of life, he rests in peace! He’s statuary! A monument! If he weren’t lying on your carpet, he could be his own gravestone! His circuitry is no longer transferring electrons! He kicked the bucket, stomped on it a couple of times, then hit it with a particle beam, just to be sure! To put it another way, his life expectancy is now even shorter than that of a Pteras!! THIS IS AN EX-ORGANOID!!
(pause)
Prozen: Well, I’d better replace him, then. (he takes a quick peek behind his desk) Sorry Raven, I’ve had a look around the base, and we’re all out of organoids.
Raven: I see. I see, I get the picture.
Prozen: I can give you Riese. She’s been trying to get with you for a while.
(pause)
Raven: Tell me, can she fuse with a zoid?
Prozen: …Not really.
Raven: WELL SHE’S HARDLY A REPLACEMENT, IS SHE?!!???!!?
Prozen: N-no, I guess not. (gets ashamed, fiddles with something on his desk)
Raven: Well.
(pause)
Prozen: Do you want a shiny new Genosaurer so you can go and try to kill Van?
Raven: I thought you’d never ask.